doo-doo, crap, stuff, ca-ca, and things

When I told my mom that I would be starting a blog she asked if it would contain the kind of material she could read. My mom spent the first half of my life teaching me and telling me what I should do and I have spent the second half of my life doing the opposite. I recently told her all of those things, as bad as they are, and have nothing to hide. She does not cuss so I told her there shouldn’t be any stories she hasn’t heard and that I would keep it clean by not swearing. That may be easier said than done because I swear like a sailor but life is about being creative and working your way around all of the crap.

There is crap all over the place. It’s everywhere you look. Doo-doo in your wallet, crap all over your house, stuff in your car, things in your basement, and ca-ca that you’re holding until somebody dies or doo-doo that is waiting for you when somebody else dies. There’s a bunch of stuff you have to do to get ca-ca and you have to keep going to that place your entire life so you can obtain and keep more things for the people that depend on you for their doo-doo and stuff. The more ca-ca you get the more doo-doo you have to pay somebody that knows a lot of stuff about ca-ca to protect your doo-doo. It’s a crazy cycle. As much as I am embroiled and entangled in it, I just don’t get it. Last year I made almost 6 figures. This year I’ll be lucky to make high 4 figures. I have way less doo-doo to do stuff with and have cut back tremendously on my things. I have some ca-ca in the bank but with no more coming in I am evaluating just exactly what stuff I need and am finding that I do not need hardly any thing to make or keep me happy. My doo-doo goes much farther. I appreciate the crap I already have so much more.

I used to work in retail and I did it much longer than any one person needs to. I escaped but many of my friends are still there and actively living that lifestyle. Voluntarily. I do understand the need for retail as it is what keeps the cycle of doo-doo and stuff continually spinning. Retail is the top of the food pyramid. It is what the economy needs to stay healthy and robust. Our perpetual need for more doo-doo is fueled by our greater need for stuff. It’s a glorious and simple formula that keeps us alive. A machine that was designed by The Machine, a wasteland where the strong survive to ultimately help the weak, Jack robs Peter to pay Paul and there is no limit to how it evolves.

I worked for one company a particularly long time that had this process on lock. They put as much crap as they could in a small space and somehow had the entire workforce trained to think that moving the crap around as many times as you could to find the perfect spot would bring in more people who would miraculously be seeing the things for the first time because of all the different places you put the stuff to confuse them, effectively bringing in more doo-doo. 300 small box stores across the country filled with nothing but stuff and things. For not much doo-doo they would give you medium quality crap from China that looked like the high quality stuff that others were paying major ca-ca for down the street. These things were great for your house and since you weren’t shelling out much doo-doo, you could keep coming back for more stuff when you were tired of your things. They sold the kind of crap that contained the sayings that bored housewives all over the south put in their kitchen. Sayings like “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain” and “Dogs are not our whole life but they make our lives whole” and on and on. And they sold this crap in high volume and have been doing it for over 40 years.

The thing about retail is that it’s not science, yet most of those who work in retail try to make it just as complicated. There are no more definitive answers somewhere out there waiting to be revealed. There is nobody in a labcoat practicing the scientific method, attempting to break through and discover a better way because there is no better way. Retail is the wheel. It’s sliced bread. The system cannot be improved upon. It’s give me some doo-doo for this crap and that is it. No more and no less. Yet every company is holding this wheel and every one of them are trying to improve upon the design. The only problem is that the system relies on people. And most people could care less about the crap. And the doo-doo that retail companies spend for the people they expect to cherish the stuff they are cramming into the stores is not enough. People will let you down…..unless you pay them and pay them well. And there in lies the rub.

At some point I will have no more doo-doo and be forced to find somewhere to jump back onto the hampster wheel. But that is a choice that we all have. The doo-doo we need to exist is minimal. It all depends on how much stuff you convince yourself you need based on all the crap you hear coming from all of the things we pacify ourselves with.



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